The Parable of the Maiden and the Bears

An astonishing discovery has been made in the Middle East. The Lost Gospel of Zebedee is an Aramaic document, written on papyrus in the 1st Century CE, and predates the earliest of the canonical gospels by at least 20 years. Dr Ursi Goldschluessel from the Hebrew University in Jerusalem has hailed the find as "spectacular; this promises to shed light on the whole purpose of Christianity and the concept of religion as understood by Jesus himself". Here is one short section:

The Gospel of Zebedee
CHAPTER 7.
1. And Jesus travelled through the region, coming unto Samaria, and, behold, a great multitude did follow him, for his fame had spread abroad.
2. And coming to the edge of a forest, he sat and spake to the multitude, saying,
3. A young maiden with golden hair was walking through the woods, near the road from Jerusalem to Damascus, when she came upon an house, wherein lived three bears,
4. A father bear, a mother she-bear, and a baby bear, and they were a family of bears, and verily did enjoy breaking the night-time fast with morning porridge, which Mummy Bear did make, as is the wont of mummy bears, as ye all know.
5. Now the bears had departed from their abode for a short while, that the porridge may cool, for it was hot hot hot, and they did take a walk in the woods, mayhap to carry out that thing that bears do in woods. Verily. They do. Even Elisha knew this.

There are several more pages of the Lost Gospel that have yet to be translated from the original, but it is clear that this may change Christianity for ever. And this is a parable within a parable.

He or she that has ears to hear, let him/her hear. Or if they don't have ears, that's OK. Or whatever.

Where do you go; what do you like?

OK - a chance for pew-sitters to spill the beans! If you do attend a church, which church do you attend? What do you like about it? What do you dislike? Maybe you're a minister / pastor / priest - how do you view your "calling" if the belief side of things has slipped away?

I'll kick off by saying that although I am not a church attender, I have been made to feel very warmly welcome in two churches in Belfast - St Bartholomew's Church of Ireland on the Stranmillis Road, and All Souls Non-Subscribing Presbyterian on Elmwood Avenue. In both cases, members of the congregation are welcoming, and very prepared to discuss and debate issues of religion over coffee and biccies. Be sure to stop by!

Actually... *is* there anyone out there?

Any atheists who attend church? Do you like the service? Do you participate in communion / eucharist? Indeed, are you a church leader or even pastor / minister / priest? I'm not asking for names; I don't want to "out" anyone. If you have any experiences you'd like to share, please let us know in the comments to this post. Are there things churches could be doing to become more welcoming to those of an atheistic viewpoint? Are there ways atheists should consider changing to "fit in" more with the church, without compromising their view?

Fire away!

Hymns

Some are great, some are awful, some are stirring, some are cringeworthy. Some are crushingly tedious, and others stick with you.

All things bright and beautiful: raw interminable tedium.
And can it be: sheer brilliance.
Jesus loves me, this I know: bang your head repeatedly off the back of the pew in front.

So here's a thread for your faves and pet hates. Also, any CCL (Christianity Compatibility Layer) comments welcome - how can atheists sing the good ones without feeling silly?

We need your help here, people!